Windmill Tilter

I'm watching the new Dennis Miller special. At first I thought he was just warming up with old stuff (why one would do that anyway in their comeback HBO special I don't know) but the hack jokes never stopped. Seriously, he talked about hotel towels, fat people in Vegas, Cialis and that pesky 36 hour erection, those darned new drugs with all their side effects, Attention Deficit Disorder, old flight attendants, his awesome common sensical take down of global warming (apparently the sun was also hot when he was a kid), smoking bans, CRRAAZZY Howard Dean, pussy liberals, Bush's real world toughness, suits against tobbaco and fast food corporations, illegal aliens and their wacky outfits, and on and on. It wouldn't surprise me if one day a couple of years ago Dennis had a little conversation with himself that went like this:

"You know, I think I just realized away I can get another few years out of my career before I retire to sleep on bags of money. I haven't been relevant for a while so I'll get noticed by being the token pro-war comedian (High five Ron Silver!). Then I'll parlay that into a tour and a special even though I lost my edge and creativity years ago. You don't have to tell me that I got nothing left, I kept it going with stunts like hosting Monday Night Football and the whole conservative darling thing. I know that some of my large-worded similes don't exactly have much to do with what I was talking about, but those same fat Vegas tourists will laugh."

"Sounds like a plan!"

He didn't have to be this bad.

After one of his awful pro-war jokes, or after some anti-global warming pseudo-populist bullshit, he could have taken a shot like this: "Just hold on a fucking second you conservatives, I'll get to you. It's just not your turn yet, but please don't think you're clean. I'll fucking get to you." But no. He actually did a rundown of the most annoying politicians out there while not mentioning a single Republican, with the coda being a 10 minute rant on (are you fucking kidding me) Bill Clinton. Then immediately progressing to calling the US soft in the face of terrorism. He then said he was getting sick of the Iraqi people not being loyal enough to us. Next up was how we have to save over-taxed corporations. That's all I can write, you can see where this is going.

Good crap Dennis, if you had talked from your brain (which made you famous) and not just from your heart, you could have made me believe there was something behind your new persona besides ego and money then I would have been entertained. Do you really think that good people will take you seriously merely because you don't oppose gay marriage like an animal? Tell another "hedonistic and irresponsible baby boomer" joke you f-ing hack. F you.

Maybe this rant is dated, but I've noticed lately that in even the very most casual interactions between people of the opposite sex the greeting and goodbye must, absolutely must, be accompanied by the half-hug-kiss. Only on the first meeting is a simple handshake or nod allowed. Any subsequent meeting automatically affords the participants a level of familiarity and comfort with which I was unaware perfect strangers should have with each other. I suppose I lost this battle long ago, and there is no way to reverse it, so I'll embrace it. Maybe throw in a little tongue. Maybe I'll just drop my pants before hugging someone and nature take over.

The Phony might not like this so much:

[Q:] It was six years between your second CD, When the Pawn..., and your new one, Extraordinary Machine. What were you doing all that time? [Apple:] Um, I really didn't do anything. I know I obviously had to have been doing a lot--because I'm a lot different now than I was then, but there's nothing that I can show you that I've done. I've tried to scrape my mind and rake up and little things that I might have done: I read some plays for a while; I spent a lot of time walking. That's something that still happens. I just walk around.... but the truth is that I haven't really done anything of consequence. Were you writing a lot of songs? No. [laughs]... What was with the play reading? ... I'd always wanted to read more plays, and I felt like "Oh, that'll be my thing now. I'll read all the plays that everyone knows." I went to the bookstore and bought 20 plays, and I would just really get into them. I had a great time reading them. Unfortunately, I look at them now on my bookshelf, and ask myself what they're about, and I can't remember.

How many of you knew that the phrase "quitting cold turkey" comes from the goosebumps, and "kicking the habit" comes from the restless kicking, that a heroin addict experiences during withdrawal?

Media Matters lays its daily smackdown on Bill O'Reilly:

Later in the interview, Letterman admonished O'Reilly, asserting "I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap. ... I don't think that you represent an objective viewpoint," to which O'Reilly replied, "I respect your opinion, you should respect mine." But O'Reilly had apparently been aware of Letterman's unrelenting style. In a 2001 column titled "The Letterman Experience," O'Reilly praised Letterman's interviewing abilities: "The late-night program hosted by David Letterman is the toughest interview show on television. That's because Mr. Letterman is a smart guy who can spot a phony with telescopic accuracy and expects his guests to bring something to the table. If a guest begins to sink on this show, the bottom is a long way down."

Digby:

[I]n light of the deaths of 12 coal miners, a timely reminder that Mr. Alito is on the record as deciding that the Federal Mine Safety and Health Act should protect miners less than it does.It's also worth remembering that since reaching office, Our Fearless Leader cut MSHA (Mine Safety and Health Administration) funds in real dollars, fired a whistleblower, put a mining company executive in charge, reduced staff by 170, tried to slash funding even more, and exempted the MSHA from the Freedom of Information Act.He did, however, arrange a photo op with the last group of high-profile miners trapped in the ground, and said this for the cameras: "It was their determination to stick together and to comfort each other that really defines kind of a new spirit that's prevalent in our country, that when one of us suffer, all of us suffers."Mr. Bush, we are told, has given up spirits.

I'm not sure why this took so long, but I just now realized that a few years ago (especially the college years) I would have been an adamant Intelligent Design supporter. I know my inner contrarian would have loved to have had that argument. Down boy.

I have always wondered what people meant when they said they were libertarians, because when I ask them what that means they usually don't have any idea. Of course they are conservatives who feel like it gives them some credibility to pose as being above the two-party system. They aren't. They vote for Bush. And they don't seem to have a problem with unchecked executive powers. This writer says it better, obviously talking about the illegal wiretaps:

Now answer the following question: do you find all of the above perfectly okay, and, in fact, an obviously necessary part of the Globah Struggle Against Angry Foreigners? As a follow-up, are you perfectly comfortable with all of the above happening in direct violation of the law, and in complete secrecy? If you answered “yes” to either of the questions above, congratulations! You’re not a libertarian. Time to find something else to call yourself (Totalitarian? Dominionist? Kaye Grogan?)! You might even be ready for one of our other seminars, like “Eat Yourself Thin: Small Government Edition,” “9-11 Changed Everything But My Diaper,” or our special 30 day intensive course, “Ignorance By Example.” If you answered “that could never happen to me! I’m white! Baby Jesus! Baby Jesus!”, you might qualify for one of our advanced courses, such as “40′ Electrically Charged Spiked Border Fences That Shoot Lasers At Brown People: Better Than Sex?” or “White Men Unite: Take Back the Night.” If you answered “no” to any of the questions above, STOP FUCKING VOTING REPUBLICAN, DUMMY.

That Rush Limbaugh believes what comes out of his mouth. When I would argue with sane people about Rush back in the day, they would always say that he's a good entertainer but that he can't possibly believe most of the nonsense that billows from his fat maw. I would inevitably say that of course he believed it, because I believed it. I still think he believes it. That's why he sucks so bad. No one can be that passionate about something they do not feel deeply.

Usually he's too "aloof" or "above-it-all" to pull his brain away from the funny, but his latest post provokes a thought or two:

Of course, most reasonable religious people understand that public schools are a place for learning about things like math and science and English. They know that God is something that should be taught in church, or Sunday school or in the home. Like music or art. Or gym. And it's not just because some people are Jewish and some people are Muslim and some people don't believe in God and you have to cater to their whims. Even if every single person was Christian and believed the exact same thing (again, completely made up), school is not the place to teach these beliefs. You go to school to learn how to be a productive member of society and not merely a stereotype for the whole rest of the world to laugh at and hate.